The family unit is the fundamental building block of a stable, structured society. For that reason, as a Christian, reverence and respect for your parents and their authority is very important. God is glorified when you keep the fifth commandment to honor your father and mother. But what does it mean to honor your father and mother? It means showing them courtesy, respect, speaking politely to them and speaking well of them. Honor is defined as a showing of usually merited respect; one whose worth brings respect. In the Bible, as a noun, honor means “esteem, value, or great respect” and can also be used as a verb to mean “to revere, to dignify, to glorify or to treat with due civility. God thinks it is so important for you to honor your parents that He not only included it in, but it is the only one of the Ten Commandments that relates to the family and it was the first law governing human relationships (Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16. The MacArthur Study Bible, page 1767). If our faith in Christ and walk with Him is genuine and authentic, there will be proof of our love for and obedience to Him in our relationships with those in our home who, not only know us best, but see us at our best and worst. The Bible addresses parental honor again in the New Testament. Ephesians 6:2-3 (NIV) tells us, Honor your father and mother-which is the first commandment with a promise-that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. God graciously adds a promise in this verse and He will bless you for honoring your parents.
Raising children is one of the most difficult and challenging responsibilities any of us will ever experience. It is also one of the most rewarding. For the family unit to function in God’s way, the child in the home is to obediently submit to and be under the authority of his/her parents. Your father and mother are not perfect. You were not a perfect child. Only God is perfect. He is your creator, He is sovereign, He is all knowing, and He is in charge. He also gave your parents their position in your life. He commands you to honor your father and mother by acknowledging and respecting their God-given position as your parents.
There is a difference between honoring your parents and obeying your parents. Honoring your parents involves respecting them, holding them in high esteem and having a high regard for them. Obeying your parents means, as a child, you do as you are told and when you are told to do something (slow obedience is no obedience). Kids are to obey their father and mother as long as they are living under their parents’ roof or their parents are providing for them. Ephesians 6:1 (NKJV) says, Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Children are to submit to the authority of their parents because their obedience is in the Lord. By doing this, kids not only please God, but they learn to respect all authority. This will help determine how well they do in their relationships regarding authority figures in school, government, law enforcement, and their career. The Bible talks about disobedience in Proverbs 30:17 (NKJV), The eye that mocks his father, and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out and the young eagles will eat it [also see Proverbs 20:20]. This proverb is a declaration of the unfortunate results of disobedience and disregarding parental authority and the destruction/disgrace that comes along with that poor choice. Disrespectful treatment of your parents will result in judgment.
Side note: There is a difference between disrespect and disobedience. Disrespect will be judged. Disobedience is wrong, but not if your parents are requiring you to do something that is disobedient to God, that dishonors Him. Obeying God and following His ways should always be the priority, for your parents and for you!
All of you grown children are to honor your parents throughout your life. Even when your parents are no longer providing for you and you are no longer under their roof, while you are no longer obligated to obey them, you are still required to honor them. There is no age limit, and you never outgrow this command. Jesus set the example in Matthew 26:29 and Luke 2:51. He was obedient to His earthly parents and His Heavenly Father. As an adult, you can show your parents honor by calling them, checking up on them regularly, spending time with them or even going a step further and providing physical and/or financial assistance (1 Timothy 5:8,16). Even if your parents are challenging and you find it difficult to get along with them, you are still commanded to honor them. In these moments, focus on Colossians 3:23 (NKJV) which says, And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men. Your love for the Lord should motivate you and keep you focused on honoring them even if they don’t deserve it.
If your parents raised you according to the Bible, you honor both them and God by doing what they taught you. Proverbs 1:8 (NIV) says, Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. There is a harmony in the biblically-informed instruction and teachings you receive from both parents. You certainly shouldn’t reject it (like a teenager who thinks they already know everything), but receive it, remember it and apply it in your daily life. As long as it is consistent with the teachings of God’s Word, you should respect the wisdom of your parents, defer to their authority and apply the knowledge, values and priorities you received while they raised you [and pass it on to your children]. One thing that needs to be made clear is that the Bible does NOT say “honor your father and mother only if they were good to you.” You are to honor your father and mother because they are your parents, period. This does not mean you have to agree with them about everything. You are to obey God first. You are not to imitate unrighteous parents. Ezekiel 20:18-19 (NIV) says, I said to their children in the desert, ‘Do not follow the statutes of your fathers or keep their laws or defile yourselves with their idols. I am the LORD your God; follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.’ The Message Bible states it this way, “‘Then I addressed myself to their children in the desert: “Don’t do what your parents did. Don’t take up their practices. Don’t make yourselves filthy with their no-god idols. I myself am God, your God: Keep my statutes and live by my laws. Keep my Sabbaths as holy rest days, signposts between me and you, signaling that I am God, your God.”
How do you honor your parents? You love them, make time for them, show them respect, help them with their needs, seek their counsel, take care of them as they age and make sure to express your gratitude to them for taking care of you as a child and any good they brought into your childhood. Even if they are not Christians, and you don’t respect their opinion, you should seek their counsel. You ask why? First, you will honor God through your obedience. Second, God will use them to give you wisdom. They raised you and have known you since you were a child. They have insights into your life that no other person could acquire (this does not mean receiving or imitating ungodly wisdom or behavior). There is another way you gain wisdom from your parents and that is to learn from their mistakes. If they made poor choices while raising you, you will, at the very least, learn what NOT to do [and make sure to forgive your parents for their sins]! Finally, you honor your dad and mom because you will want your children to honor you. The Bible says, Give and it will be given to you (Luke 6:38). Give honor and you will receive honor.
In conclusion, the relationship between parents and children should be a reflection of their devotion to God. Parents are to lead and teach their children in the ways of God and children are to honor their parents in attitude and actions. If your parents are not Christians, God can use you to lead them to the cross. When you love them unconditionally, honor them, serve them, and show them respect, the power of the Holy Spirit is unleashed. You will be treating them as Jesus treated you when you were a sinner and unsaved. He showed you love, mercy and grace you did not deserve. You will be living out the Gospel before their eyes. This can lead them to God’s Kingdom. That would be the ULTIMATE way to honor your parents and glorify God!
Now, Go Out and Live The Victory!
