CHRISTIANS AND DIVORCE
Christians and divorce: These are two words God NEVER intended to be mentioned between two people in a committed Christian marriage!
“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.“–Ruth Graham
The world has a 50% rate of failure within their marriages. Some say the church has almost the same rate of divorce. The problem with that statistic is that the people they are calling the ‘church’ are not the church. The church is the Body of Christ. The Body of Christ is those Christians who live for Christ. Religious people go to church. Disciples of Christ (the true ‘church’) have made Jesus the Lord of their lives and you ‘know them by their fruit’. Just going to church and saying you love God does not make you a Christian. True Christians have surrendered their wills to God and strive to be obedient to His Word. I understand that Christians can struggle with sin, but they will still want to honor God with their marriages and lives. I don’t believe 50% of true Christians lack the faith and perseverance to hang in there, even through the tough times of their marriage. Real Christians realize how God feels about divorce and they know He isn’t glorified when it happens.
“Husbands and wives, remember you are on the same team. Stop fighting with each other and start fighting for each other“.–Zig Ziglar
With that being said, here’s a question for married Christians: Are you going to do your marriage the world’s way or God’s way? The world goes into marriage with a lack of true commitment which leads to satisfaction with prenuptial agreements, easy divorces, multiple marriages, and using marriage as a solution to loneliness or any other emotional need.
God’s way is different. Malachi 2:16 (NKJV) says For the LORD God of Israel say He hates divorce…(PLEASE NOTE: God does not hate people who get divorced, but He does hate divorce itself because of the hurt and pain it can cause to families and individual lives. Just like financial debt, harmful words, lies and other negative behaviors/habits, He does not like it because of the harm it causes to individuals.) God intends your marriage to last for life and He wants to help you accomplish this feat. Genesis 2:24 (NIV) says For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. If God brings two people together as one flesh, He NEVER intended them to be separated again into two parts. At least, not until death parts them.
“Staying married, therefore, is not mainly about staying in love. It is about keeping covenant. “Till death do us part” or “As long as we both shall live” is a sacred covenant promise—the same kind Jesus made with His bride when He died for her.” —John Piper
Marriage is a covenant (a binding relationship between two parties) we enter before God and other witnesses. A covenant is not a contract. In a contract you try to protect your rights and limit your responsibilities. In a covenant, you lay down your rights and pick up (focus on) your responsibilities. It’s not about what’s best for the husband or what’s best for the wife, but what’s best for the RELATIONSHIP. Marriage is a strong commitment to a person of the opposite sex through the bond of love. Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV) tells us Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A chord of three strands is not quickly broken. God intends marriage to be the highest, strongest and best relationship possible between two people. Your love for God and each other, along with following His commandments, will maintain a healthy relationship.
Most people get married in a church because marriage is an institution created by God, not man. Matthew 19:4-6 (NKJV) says …Have you not read that He Who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate. When you got married, you made a vow (covenant, agreement) in a church before God. You agreed to stick with your spouse “for better or worse”, “for richer or poorer”, and “in sickness and in health.” Unfortunately, the moment the ‘worse’ part occurs, we’re ready to get out and get rid of him or her. Numbers 30:2 (NKJV) tells us If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth. The same commandment applies to women in Numbers 30:3-4. You are breaking a vow to God when you get a divorce. God takes marriage seriously and you should too! It would be better to not make a vow than to make it and not keep it. One of my regular prayers is “For better or worse! Father, let the better become the best, and let the worst get better!” A couple has an obligation to work together through any trials or problems that arise. That is God’s plan.
This is what Jesus had to say about adultery, divorce, and keeping your vows. “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. You have heard the law that says, ‘A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a written notice of divorce.’ But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery. You have also heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not break your vows; you must carry out the vows you make to the LORD.”(Matthew 5:27-29, 31-33 NLT)
One of your wedding vows was ‘til death do us part’. Do to the death of a spouse a divorce is not necessary and the living spouse is released from his or her vow. This is one of the few exceptions, according to the Bible, in which it is acceptable to break the bond of marriage. Romans 7:2-3 (NIV) tells us For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.
The Bible only gives two instances when divorce is permissible. The first is when one spouse commits adultery (Matthew 19:9). God takes adultery serious enough to make it one of the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:14). Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV) says Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. The second is when an unbelieving spouse leaves a believing spouse. 1 Corinthians 7:15 (NLT) says But if the husband or wife who isn’t a Christian insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases, the Christian husband or wife is not required to stay with them, for God wants His children to live in peace.
If a woman is in an abusive marriage, she needs to get herself out of the situation immediately! She needs to look out for the safety and well-being of herself and her children. Physical, verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse should not be tolerated by ANYONE! Physical abuse is against the law and the proper authorities should be contacted. The wife should seek an immediate legal separation and the abusive husband needs to seek help. If he is a Christian, then the help should come in the form of intense Christian counseling.
Each and every divorce and broken relationship is a result of sin. This sin occurs in the form of selfishness, immaturity, lack of commitment, and a lack of honest communication by one or both spouses. Zig Ziglar said “Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.” When a Christian man and woman get married, it should be a decision made through prayer with a sincere commitment and divorce is NOT AN OPTION! The husband is the head of the household and he should submit his ways to the will of God. The wife should in turn, submit to her husband (Ephesians 5:22-23). The husband is the spiritual leader and he sets the tone for the home by being a loving servant leader. Just like Jesus (Ephesians 5:25). God’s plan for your marriage is for both of you to grow and develop through the ups and downs you share together through your journey.
“Marriage is not 50-50. Divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn’t dividing everything in half, but giving everything you’ve got!”–Dave Willis
“Marriage is a call to die [to self]… Christian marriage vows are the inception of a lifelong practice of death, of giving over not only all you have, but all you are. Is this a grim gallows call? Not at all! It is no more grim than dying to self and following Christ. In fact, those who lovingly die for their [spouses] are those who know the most joy, have the most fulfilling marriages, and experience the most love.”–R. Kent Hughes
Most people think the best day of their life is the day the say “I do.” That should NEVER be true. The best days are ahead because you are building a loving and lasting relationship with your spouse. True love sees strengths and forgives weaknesses. As you grow together, you will see how your strengths and weaknesses balance each other and you will become one flesh (the areas where she is strong, he is usually weak and where he is strong, she is usually weak. This is how you perfectly balance and compliment each other to become whole, as one). Jesus loves you. Show the same love to your spouse that Jesus has shown you: unconditional, merciful, grace-filled love. God has brought you and your spouse together to do life. This includes all the joys and struggles so He may be glorified as you celebrate and overcome them. You’re on the same team and it takes both of you to be winners and Live The Victory!
“In every disagreement in your marriage, remember that there is not a winner and a loser. You are partners in everything, so you will either win together or lose together. Always work together to find a solution.”–Dave Willis
Be blessed and be a blessing to each other.
Go Live The Victory!
