Quality Christian relationships are a significant part of God’s plan for your life. God does not want you to do life alone. He created you for relationships. However, you risk getting your feelings hurt when you are counting on others and they disappoint you.
“Just remember the world is not a playground but a schoolroom. Life is not a holiday but an education. One eternal lesson for us all: to teach us how better we should love.”–Barbra Jordan
God wants you to understand that in spite of all the potential difficulties, building good Christian relationships is worth the cost. To develop and maintain relationships you have to accept that you WILL get hurt in your relationships. People are not perfect and they WILL let you down. It is inevitable that people in your life will disappoint you and you will get angry with them when they don’t do what you want them to do. Scripture tells us how to deal with these situations. The Bible says In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you (Ephesians 4:26-27, Colossians 3:13 NIV). This does not only apply to your close relationships. It applies to all your relationships including: your spouse, children, extended family, friends, co-workers, and fellow Christians.
Your Christian relationships will not function properly if all you do is fear that others will let you down or won’t meet your needs. That kind of thinking will keep you from allowing yourself to get close to people. If you put your faith in anyone or anything other than God, you are setting yourself up for disappointment! It is unfair to expect another person to always make you happy or joyful. God is your joy! You have to put your faith, hope and expectation in God. Only God can meet your needs. Only God will never let you down.
Within your Christian relationships, people will fail you in some way and you will fail them if you know them long enough. When this happens you have to communicate with him or her. “Truth without love is mean, and love without truth is meaningless.”– Jimmy Evans. Ephesians 4:25 (NIV) says Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor for we are all members of one body. Nobody can change anything until they know about it. You, yourself, will not fix and cannot fix anything until you know it is broke. Ephesians 4:15 (NIV) says Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him Who is the head, that is, Christ. You are responsible to communicate with the other party and tell them the truth IN LOVE. The truth can make people temporarily angry. Some people get defensive, blame others, or make excuses when they are told the truth about themselves. You are NOT responsible for his or her response. You should pray and ask God what to say, how to say it, and when to say it so your communication is effective and will get the desired result. Always keep in mind that the other person has the right to do nothing and may make that choice. If this happens, do not get discouraged, put it in God’s hands.
James 4:1-2 (NIV) says, What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. Pray to God to work in your relationships to change the behaviors or habits of others when they disappoint you. YOU cannot change another person, so don’t waste your time trying. If a person does what you want, but it is NOT of there own free will, your relationship will suffer. You will get what you want but the other person will be bitter and resentful towards you. The result will be tension and frustration, but NO PEACE within your relationship. When you manipulate, coerce, nag, or in any other way force YOUR will on others, you will only hurt your relationship and not help it. As a Christian, you should accept others as they are. ONLY God can change someone. Pray earnestly for God’s will within your relationships. 1 John 5:14-15 (NIV) tells us, This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us—whatever we ask –we know that we have what we asked of Him. If it is His will, He will change the heart of the other person. Beware that His will might be to use others to change YOU. He might be trying to change your heart to make you more patient, kind, and merciful. Sounds like some of the attributes of Jesus, doesn’t it? Philippians 1:6 (NIV) says, Being confident of this, that He Who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. God’s goal in all your relationships and everything else you do is to build your character, sanctify you, and help you conform to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ.
“The honorary duty of a human being is to love.”–Maya Angelou
We all have expectations of others, especially our spouses. However, the only expectations any of us should focus on are the expectations God has for us. It is a full time job trying to meet His expectations and become everything He wants you to be. When people disappoint you, think about how you feel and then imagine what God sees and thinks about you on a daily basis. WE ALL DISAPPOINT GOD EVERYDAY, but He does not judge us or condemn us. Ephesians 15:1-3 (NIV) says We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For even Christ did not please Himself… God understands our imperfect, sinful, human nature. He gives us grace and continues to mold us into what HE wants us to be. Amazingly, God continues to bless us in spite of our many flaws. If you remember this, you will not see your relationships the same. You will enjoy your relationships a lot more and you will not put so much pressure on yourself or other people. You will be a good friend and focus on what you can give to the relationship instead of focusing on what others are not giving to you. You will give them the freedom to fail and you will be a lot more gracious, understanding, and encouraging. Romans 14:12 (NIV) says So then each of us will give account of himself to God. You will not stand before God and give an account of other people. You will ONLY give an account of YOURSELF and what YOU have done with your resources, time and energy. Put your energy towards pleasing God instead of trying to get man to please you.
“Without love and compassion for others, our own apparent love for Christ is fiction.”–Thomas Merton
As a representative of God, in all your relationships, especially with unbelievers, they should see God’s work in you as an outward application in all circumstances. This certainly does not mean you will be perfect. It DOES mean you will hold yourself accountable, admit your faults, apologize, or ask for forgiveness when you make a mistake, sin, or disappoint someone. Your Heavenly Father wants to use you to express His love and character to the unbelieving world. YOU ARE TO BRING GOD TO THEM! Prayerfully, God will use your actions and behavior, as you walk in the Spirit, to lead them to the cross! In all of your relationships, the opportunity is ever present for God to be glorified!
“To love another person is to touch the face of God.”–From the musical Les Miserables
“It is possible to give without loving, but it is impossible to love without giving.”–Richard Brounstein
“In the twilight of life, God will not judge us on our earthly possessions and human successes, but on how well we have loved.”–St. John of the Cross
Our hope and prayer for your Christian relationships is summarized in Romans 15:5-7 (NIV) May the God Who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
Go Live The Victory!
